Giving Thanks

Today I am thankful for quiet moments in the early morning hours, sisters, moms, dads, this journey of motherhood, sanity trips to Target, coupons, Little Man smiles, warm cheeks to kiss, heaters, sweaters, rain boots, work, blow dryers, God's mercy and a courageous husband.

What are you thankful for today? Link up or comment below!

#momfail

Lately, I have felt like I am failing at keeping my little one safe. He fell off a little love seat the other day and got a carpet burn on his forehead. He screamed and wailed. And, let's face it, so did I. It was totally preventable, but I turned my back and there he went.

There have a been a few other little things that I have thought to myself TOTAL MOM FAIL. I knew some day it would happen. I knew there would be accidents, but there was nothing that prepared me for the emotions that came along with failure as a mother. There is this overwhelming guilt factor that comes when you become a mother. God designed women and moms different. WE feel for those little ones when they get hurt. We hurt right a long with them. Since I am new to the whole mothering thing I am willing to guess that it never gets easier. Watching your child in pain,  suffering with a cold or getting crushed by friends is never easy.

As more of the failures creep into my mind, it makes it harder to sleep at night. I seem to dwell on the mistakes I make as a mother and that "I am no good" thought pattern begins. As I was praying this morning I was praying, "Lord have mercy." I was in a moment where there was nothing else to say. In my sinfulness as a mother all I can ask my Lord is to have mercy on me. And you know what? He did. He does. My Lord sees me and protects my child in the moments when I fail. Thank you Lord for your mercy and grace!

I realized that trust God with everything I am. There are moments when I have a hard time focusing on God and my trust fails. As a Christian, there is always this trust that God will (and does) protect me. I know that he is in every moment of my life and watches over me. This does not mean that nothing bad is ever going to happen. It also does not mean that God allows bad things to happen. It means that I am sinner in need of Savior to forgive my brokenness.

As I think about what is must have been like for God the Father to watch his one and only son, Jesus, suffer and die, I take a deep breath and remember it was all for his children. I am a child of God. He sees my sin and forgives me. He sees my mistakes and cares for me. I am in awe of Jesus' sacrifice.

I had a few mom fails this week, but God covered my failures with his grace. Praise be to Him alone.

Giving Thanks

We just got back from a getaway to the mountains for a weekend with my in-laws. It was a fun weekend in a secluded cabin that even included snow! We got to take fun little day trips to Asheville and Black Mountain. We did a little shopping, eating great food and playing! Elijah enjoyed getting to spend time with his grandparents. They made his first Halloween special with inflatables outside the cabin, carving a giant pumpkin, and getting to dress up like t-rex.

I really enjoy little family moments like this. It is fun to see Elijah light up when he is playing with different people. It is fun to watch him observe life and the people around him.

Thank you God for pumpkins, inflatables, weekend getaways, in-laws, candy, snow, mountains, yummy food, grandparents, plat time, costumes, and rest. 

Join me in giving thanks! Link up in the comments to your Giving Thanks post! #givingthanks

target and marriage

I really have a deep love for Target. I know I probably shouldn't like it so much, but it just seems to have everything I could ever possibly want in 5 different colors! I think I am the type of person you could call a Target connoisseur. Did I just type that?

I do really love Super Targets, though. I mean they do seem to have more than normal Targets. They get a wide selection of clothing. Have an awesome grocery section. And the clearance aisles, oh my! These aisles are, by far, my favorite. I could peruse down those aisle for hours. Just looking at all the discarded junk that is waiting for me to see as a treasure. There have even been some impulse buys down those aisles.

My husband on the other hand, really does not like Target. I don't think I can use the word hate. I don't think he has a hatred. I mean let's face it, he has found some good things there too or maybe I did and brought it home to him.

Recently, my husband was leading a marriage retreat for our church. I was able to go along too, with our little boy. I didn't get to make every part of the retreat, but I really enjoyed the moments when I did. We were a little tired going into the retreat. The previous two days we had been at at a conference and the days before that had received little sleep at night. Even though we were tired and just needing some down time at our home we also need a little retreat to reflect on our marriage. We communicated. We laughed. And, we realized that children running through the halls at 9:00 pm does not make tired parents happy.

My hubby shared a story about Target. You see, I usually save all my Target trips for his day off so we can go together and spend an hour or so just walking around. He. hated. every. minute. I learned this one Friday when he seemed to want to go hiking and do house projects before my need to go to Target. He explained that he just didn't see why he needed to go along and that he hated just walking around. At first, I was really hurt. In my mind, I heard that he didn't like spending time with me. He them asked me why I saved the trip for his day off when I could go any other day of the week. I realized in that moment that I loved going to Target with him because I received his undivided attention. Toward the back of Target, our cells phones receive no service. He cannot receive any calls or texts and that was just fine with me. He is on call all the time, but sometimes I just need him to not be thinking about others. Selfish? Yes it is. When I communicated this need to him, his whole attitude turned around. We both realized that focused attention on one another is a key part to our relationship.

Since that conversation, I try not to save all my errands for his day off. I try to plan family hikes or projects for the house we can do together. My hubby works on not checking his phone all the time and we have a firm no email policy. This seems to make both of us happy. Communicating our needs to one another so we can honor and respect each other. I have really tried to be more aware of my communication with him. This includes when I feel like I just need his attention or our family needs to be his primary focus.

I thank God for Target.  I think my husband does too!

Spirit lead me

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters 

wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

and my faith could be made stronger 

in the presence of my Savior

These words got me through the hardest time of my life recently. I wish I could tell you that I penned these thought to the Spirit of God.  Can you feel the rhythm in your chest as your read them? 

Let the words build around your soul for a minute. 

I wish I would have had these words earlier in my life. Like the time God send me to live in Florida all alone. Or the time my heart was struggling to figure out how to take the next step with my best friend. Or maybe the moment I moved away from my family after only a few being reunited only a few short months earlier. That time my heart was broken by a friend and I knew I needed to grieve. 

During those hard moments of my life I don't think I would have been ready to say these words to my God and ask Him to take me places I have never been or imagined.  God has called me into the"great unknown." Have you been to that place yet? It is terrifying. Let me say that again…. it. is. terrifying. Somehow, God knows how scary this life is and He is with us every step of the way.  

As I sat in a little hospital room, saying breath prayers over my son, I said these words over and over in my head. I sang along to the song on repeat for an hour one night as tears streamed down. All I knew in that moment was that God was the author and perfecter of life. He was the one who created and sustained life. I could feel God stretching me in a way I was not prepared, but being eerily at peace being in his presence. I knew a peace that I am certain came from God alone. 

Praying for you to experience peace today. 

My soul will rest in your embrace

For I am yours and you are mine

prayer for little ones

My hubby and I pray with our son daily. We try to model how to have a conversation with God in hopes that when he is older prayer will flow easily. We do this is two ways right now, during family meal time and at bedtime. 

It is important to us to thank God for the blessing of food even if it is a repetitive prayer. Usually, we have lunch and dinner together. We don't always get two meals a day together, but we try to as often as possible. As we being each meal, we hold hands as a family and say a common table prayer. Starting the meal the same way with our hands held, helps to demonstrate to Little E that it is time to stop for a moment and speak to God. He always gets very quiet and looks at us. As soon as we say "amen," he begins to babble and play again. 

Come Lord Jesus be our guest

and let these gifts to us be blessed.

Amen

This was a prayer that I grew up saying with my family. Only on special holidays or occasions would we strike out with a different prayer. I love the simplicity of this prayer. It is short and sweet and gets to the heart of the matter. I know someday there will be questions about where Jesus sits at the table and how come the gifts aren't wrapped. I really can't wait to have these conversations with our son and future children. 

We invite Jesus to our table because he gets the seat of honor. We ask him to that seat so that we can thank him for the many blessings he provides for us. We ask God to allow the gifts and blessings of these meals to bless other people. My daily prayer, is for God to use me for His glory. 

My husband grew up saying another common prayer, but somehow at his family functions I always get a little mixed up with the words. 

God is good, God is great

Let us thank Him for our food.

By His hands, we are fed

Thank you God for daily bread.

Amen

When Little E is older, we would like to incorporate prayer cubes. These cubes are great to use with little hands, who are learning how to pray. They are also great to use with families to build confidence in speaking and leading prayer. It takes practice to lead a prayer in front of others. This practice starts in the home by praying in front of family members.  To be totally honest and transparent, praying in front of my husband is very hard for me sometimes. I get nervous and forget how to speak! I can pray in front of a large group of people, but sometimes in the intimate moments with one other person I need the Holy Spirit to intercede. 

Thanks to Connie D. for posting this on her Pinterest board, Families in Faith!

At bedtime, prayer is the last thing we do right before Little E snuggles to drift to sleep. Does he know what we are doing? Probably not, but we hope that by hearing familiar words each day he will begin to know the power of prayer. Depending on who leads the prayer, we either start with Martin Luther's Evening Prayer or Mama's Impromptu Prayer. The latter is not written in a book and no scholar will be commenting or giving praise. Ha! 

We close as a family with the Lord's Prayer. Prayer cubes can also be used at bedtime! I can foresee a certain little boy using prayer cubes to prolong sleep in the future. 

Luther's Evening Prayer

I thank You, my heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, Your dear Son, that You have graciously kept me this day; and I pray that You would forgive me all my sins where I have done wrong, and graciously keep me this night. For into Your hands I commend myself, my body and soul, and all things. Let Your holy angel be with me, that the evil foe may have no power over me. Amen

The Lord's Prayer

Our Father who art in heaven. Hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever and ever. Amen

Mama's Impromptu Prayer

Dear Jesus, Thank you for this day. Thank you for Mommy, Daddy, and Elijah. Protect all our family who live far away. Help us to sleep well tonight. We love you Lord. Amen.

How does your family pray together? It is a time to slow down in your day and speak to God? Does it work better to say the same prayer? 

There are multiple ways to pray, but the key is that Our God listens to each of our prayers. Prayer is a conversation with God. It is that simple. There is no need for lofty words or phrase. Speak from the heart or be still and listen. Sometimes those prayers are in our hearts and minds, but God still hears us. Take some time to today to pray as a family. It will impact your day and cause you to stop in the business of life to converse with the Father. 

the little man that keeps me awake

Recently, six months ago, God gave me the best role and job on this earth. He gave my husband and I sweet baby boy. I am so thankful for this precious gift that God has in trusted to us.

Let me just say being a parent is hard work!

My husband and I were recently out to dinner and little man was becoming restless while we were waiting for the check. Little E is a great baby and he does really well while eating out, but everyone reaches his limit. I took him out of the highchair and was just holding him while standing. The server commented on our bundle of joy and how good he was. Some how the topic of sleep came up. Actually, as I am recalling this event from less than a week ago, I don't think the topic came up, but my husband and I made it come up. We shared with our server that there is not a lot of sleep with babies. Also, having a child is the hardest job….way harder than any manual labor job. She was a little shocked. We lamented to this sweet stranger that we were tired and hoping bedtime would go well. I am sure she could care less, but it was almost a warning to her. This was a moment in my life when I felt like we definitely over shared.

It is really true. Being a parent changes your world in a way that no one can explain it to you. I feel like we are earning badges in a club that has so many secrets.

Every time I am nursing that baby and he looks up at me with big blue eyes I thank God. I find my prayer life has increased greatly in the last six months! Here are a few breath prayers...

Thank you God for this precious gift you gave.

Thank you for the life you created. 

Please God, please let him sleep a little longer.

Please show me how to help Him feel better, dear Lord. 

Father, please forgive my shortcomings as a mother. 

Help me to know how to parent my son. Give me wisdom. 

You are an awesome Creator God. 

God, are you still there listening? I could really use your patience and peace. 

Lord, please help me not to lose it. 

I am not even exaggerating in any of those prayers. But, I am thankful for the server who was kind and listened to two very tired parents. I am thankful for the meal shared as a family. I am thankful for the compliments of strangers. I am thankful for the encouragement of others who have been there. 

I just wanted to introduce you to a little man who stole my heart at first glance….probably more like first heart beat. 

this thing called life

The days are growing shorter and the leaves are changing to a beautiful array of God's rainbow. I am thankful for the special time my little family spends together. Moments of fall seem to pass quickly. Soon the leaves will be on the ground and trees will be bare for many months. It seems like an unending amount of time for someone who loves spring and summer. I long for hot days and sunshine. 

So who is this person writing thoughts in stolen nap time moments?  It's just a beautiful mess of a person who God has created to glorify Him.

As I think about starting a blog or sharing intimate thought moments, I clam up and fear starts to take over. Who will read... who wants to hear stupid thoughts... will my grammar be correct.. what if someone thinks I am stupid…. did I just use an ellipse correctly??? The answers… oh who cares about the answers. Life is short and moments are even shorter. I don't know how much time I am given on this earth so I better just throw caution to the wind. 

It takes me a while to build up the courage to speak or act sometimes. Has that ever happened to you? I mean, I am assuming there is a YOU out there. Are you a beautiful mess of a person too? 

That is what I am….a beautiful mess. My life is messy and ugly sometimes, but in moments of God's glory it becomes beautiful. 

I don't really have other words to speak about myself. Just that I hope you enjoy this journey of writing, reflection, and most importantly windy caution. 

A little glimpse of fall from one my favorite hiking spots in north Carolina. This is from 2013 at the beginning of fall. 

A little foggy

Life has always moved at a pace that races. It is hard to feel like I am caught up or at the same speed as time. There is always an endless to-do list, projects that need completing, and chores that need tending. Lately, I have been a in a migraine fog. I can't seem to get things done because I am trying to enjoy life without my head aching, an eye hurting, nausea, and just feeling like life is happening without me. Those few moments for me are harder to come by these days. My little one deserves a mommy who does not having to pass him to daddy because she can't hold him or hear his little noises. I know he can sense when things are not right with me. Living life with migraines (or any chronic illness) makes life feel like it is passing me. I want to press pause while I am having an attack so I don't miss any moment.

As I struggle to find a balance with motherhood, work, marriage, friendships, family relationships, and faith I am reminded that I don't have to do it all. I can take time to relish in my Savior's comfort. During those foggy moments or hours or days, I can take refuge in a God who truly loves me. Migraines are an inconvenience in this life and a big pain. There are a lot of other inconveniences and pains that are much worse, so for today, I am taking refuge and praying for healing, strength and comfort during the fog. Cover me, I am taking refuge under Your wings.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4