Spirit lead me

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters 

wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

and my faith could be made stronger 

in the presence of my Savior

These words got me through the hardest time of my life recently. I wish I could tell you that I penned these thought to the Spirit of God.  Can you feel the rhythm in your chest as your read them? 

Let the words build around your soul for a minute. 

I wish I would have had these words earlier in my life. Like the time God send me to live in Florida all alone. Or the time my heart was struggling to figure out how to take the next step with my best friend. Or maybe the moment I moved away from my family after only a few being reunited only a few short months earlier. That time my heart was broken by a friend and I knew I needed to grieve. 

During those hard moments of my life I don't think I would have been ready to say these words to my God and ask Him to take me places I have never been or imagined.  God has called me into the"great unknown." Have you been to that place yet? It is terrifying. Let me say that again…. it. is. terrifying. Somehow, God knows how scary this life is and He is with us every step of the way.  

As I sat in a little hospital room, saying breath prayers over my son, I said these words over and over in my head. I sang along to the song on repeat for an hour one night as tears streamed down. All I knew in that moment was that God was the author and perfecter of life. He was the one who created and sustained life. I could feel God stretching me in a way I was not prepared, but being eerily at peace being in his presence. I knew a peace that I am certain came from God alone. 

Praying for you to experience peace today. 

My soul will rest in your embrace

For I am yours and you are mine

this thing called life

The days are growing shorter and the leaves are changing to a beautiful array of God's rainbow. I am thankful for the special time my little family spends together. Moments of fall seem to pass quickly. Soon the leaves will be on the ground and trees will be bare for many months. It seems like an unending amount of time for someone who loves spring and summer. I long for hot days and sunshine. 

So who is this person writing thoughts in stolen nap time moments?  It's just a beautiful mess of a person who God has created to glorify Him.

As I think about starting a blog or sharing intimate thought moments, I clam up and fear starts to take over. Who will read... who wants to hear stupid thoughts... will my grammar be correct.. what if someone thinks I am stupid…. did I just use an ellipse correctly??? The answers… oh who cares about the answers. Life is short and moments are even shorter. I don't know how much time I am given on this earth so I better just throw caution to the wind. 

It takes me a while to build up the courage to speak or act sometimes. Has that ever happened to you? I mean, I am assuming there is a YOU out there. Are you a beautiful mess of a person too? 

That is what I am….a beautiful mess. My life is messy and ugly sometimes, but in moments of God's glory it becomes beautiful. 

I don't really have other words to speak about myself. Just that I hope you enjoy this journey of writing, reflection, and most importantly windy caution. 

A little glimpse of fall from one my favorite hiking spots in north Carolina. This is from 2013 at the beginning of fall. 

A little foggy

Life has always moved at a pace that races. It is hard to feel like I am caught up or at the same speed as time. There is always an endless to-do list, projects that need completing, and chores that need tending. Lately, I have been a in a migraine fog. I can't seem to get things done because I am trying to enjoy life without my head aching, an eye hurting, nausea, and just feeling like life is happening without me. Those few moments for me are harder to come by these days. My little one deserves a mommy who does not having to pass him to daddy because she can't hold him or hear his little noises. I know he can sense when things are not right with me. Living life with migraines (or any chronic illness) makes life feel like it is passing me. I want to press pause while I am having an attack so I don't miss any moment.

As I struggle to find a balance with motherhood, work, marriage, friendships, family relationships, and faith I am reminded that I don't have to do it all. I can take time to relish in my Savior's comfort. During those foggy moments or hours or days, I can take refuge in a God who truly loves me. Migraines are an inconvenience in this life and a big pain. There are a lot of other inconveniences and pains that are much worse, so for today, I am taking refuge and praying for healing, strength and comfort during the fog. Cover me, I am taking refuge under Your wings.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4